My Own Little Secret

Why I blog. I do all these things for family and it's not easy. I have had a few opportunities of recent yet I am always taken by family. As some know I was hospitalized as I came near to having a mini stroke which is called a "TIA". I have always respected family yet there is much that goes along with this. I render the best and there are times that I feel that I am working at a snails pace while I literally do go.

I don't have many things, I lost much within my travels. Yet I am a human being and I write within a manner of regards to others. Seemingly when I get to one point - there is that obligatory effect and I could say that I wish I would have never returned here. But within some shape. In some manner I will be enabled to do what I wish to do without the situations that are every day.

Most would even read something as such but I long for the spring and as well I do aspire as most just enjoy the "happy camper" stuff and I certainly am and I have taken the time to do things. But this morning when I woke. I thought what is the meaning of all that is going on within my own personal life.

I took all things into account and understoood very well where I am and what is needed. The girlfriend of recent is not an option right now. There are things in which perhaps I should have closed the computer. But then again two years ago when most all of your belongings and libraries of things that you deem of worth are gone. The best manner that I can summarize this is that I am going through a test.

I don't know if many of you have been through an ordeal where you have others that continually need to have you do things while at the same time at their age they blame you for all that has happened.  My father of which I have always admired - yet understood very well his own characteristics, and a mother that will have great expectations that you shall resolve all. And then a sister that since the day I was born was jealous that I was born. I can honestly say it's not that easy.

You name the places that I have been and I have been to them from church to other areas faith. Here too they think you look so fine. But they don't have that time. In some ways I have fell out of the blocks. I see others living life and I sit at this computer thinking of what's next? Perhaps I have always been a convient one. For that matter, maybe I knew it when I was 17 and left off to attend university. And then within current times seemingly the family will fight over ever matter. When my older brother comes to town, he understands it.

I know that there are some things which I need to change. Yet I am always drawn into the same old thing day after day. Friends they are there but they all have had a thought of things. This is not something new. This is something that has been ongoing since the last several months.

What do I desire? It's the very freedoms within life as you. There is nothing like a somewhat changed father, and family (aside of relatives and other friends) that know all too well what I am in. So many will think in times that they are down that they are the blame of all that has happened within their family. I don't. But it can be very taxing.

Yet like within the old days of the famers. They used to place a water hose to ride out the gofers. I don't fall. I promised myself when I returned here I would never fall and aside of this one time where I was hospitalized and there was no family to come and see me. I made the best of it. I still do that today as there are better days to come.

Maybe that might be an ideal, yet I maintain that to this very day. If I have to start again all over I shall.  Other than that I never in my life thought I would be writing personal matters as such on a blog. But there were times in which I was posting after work as time allowed pictures. Now to be very honest. I am embarrassed of the situation that I am in. And there are times where you take a pen and paper and try to map things out. I believe in this slogan of "where there is a will there is a way".

I do have a will of my own and within all of this there is a way. I was not too shy to post this. And it does not breach the manner that I enjoy this. But come spring I do have, no must get on. My legs do give out they have for the last three years. And it's so embarrassing when you see the others that are of the same age range as your own that get on with it.

When I get down, I get focused and I remember that being the case since I was a younger age. Thus some of the Utubes to make a mention of what I like as yeah I was in music. I was in many things but now I am literally healing and when this is all done. My I have a story to tell.

I hope you don't deem this as negative as I make the best of what I have. But purpose is in what you do. Most would have fallen by now - easily. But I render something within my own way and when that day comes hopefully sooner than later. Iam not too proud. Nor am I arrogant. It's just the manner things are right now and I do make the best of it.

I believe I can Fly....