Acceptance is the Key II

Now take into consideration that I when I lived in the same city as my parents I when I first arrived there from NY - he was in a comma and given two weeks to live.

His oncologist at the time was a gentleman named Dr. Tur - Al Twegerie. When, I took my father in emergency when he first was acting strange and was twice the size that he normally was. This was the first time and they told me that they were taking him of the prednisone as he was suffering what is called a "prednisone psychosis". Then the same day or next they wanted to just do scans and then that was the first - and he did not have one cancer. He had three and they all were stage 4 non-Hodgkin’s.  He was in a comma at the time induce I think and I remember Tur taking all the family into a room.

The worst thing is not to see everyone break down, but your mother completely breakdown. Meanwhile Tur took me outside in the hallway for half an hour and asked me about my father and what he did and then he told me that his father had the same thing and that he wanted me to be the medical next of kin. The family accepted this. When my father woke up from this comma, I was called early in the morning and asked to tell him what the reality was.

I did... I don't know how you do that you just do. This is where I think people from a military background do have some sort of conditioning that does make them a little different even when retired. Mind you - it might just be the way my father was. So quickly, he asked me to take a pen out and paper after and then he said "this is not over yet", I thought fine, he can think as he wishes and I am sure after I left he had his own thoughts.  He beat it - but it took six months if not more, and it was the first time hit and although it was a large hit of three cancers and we imported test chemo that worked, Tur had met me in the hallway while I was going to get a coffee in the cafeteria and we leaned on the hall that lead to the oncology building and he indicated that this will return in many ways. Initially when we first met I know that he had hinted to me that not going for the test chemo and allowing him to pass on was what he would do. I told him that was not my option and I had to pass it by family. 

I was to learn later that he was right.

My father had one good year or about that and then thereafter he had one thing after another. There was and always will be a small amount of cancer that was near his renal area. And every six months he went through the ritual of CT Scans and so forth.  To make this short, and to indicate where I stand on things with regards to my father and when he passes on, the best thing I can do is indicate what I have seen in the past.  And what has taken place.

I have been called and taken him in when he has had two mini strokes - altogether he has had 6.  For some reason he was out with my mother and with friends and he had one stroke and he called me - all don't know why that was - but when someone is having a stroke you want to get them to the emergency within that open door of time as the longer the stroke is unattended - the more damage it can do. As well, one time I have been called and I have my father was bleeding at his home from "the male organ". I told him that I am going to call and ambulance and he insisted that I taken him in and he placed a towel down there. That was not a great thing - no that one was something that I have never nor seen before in my life but everything came to me by instinct on him. His medications I knew by heart and then the other time was when late at night I was called by my mother and he was thrashing in his bed when I got there. (One sec - grabbing a coffee)...back. This was again was something I was coming to be desensitized to. I don't mean it in a bad manner all that I know is that I was the one that was called and although they had all amenities for them for some reason we kept it in the family and that if I can humbly say meant I was going to attend for things. I accepted it. So here he is tremouring and I dressed him as best as I could as he was not all there, and I put him over my shoulder as that was the best that I could do and then in the middle of winter I placed him in my car with the help of a neighbor - and then called emergency on my cell and they were ready and I was doing more that 120 easy at midnight. It came to the point especially with what is know as the Royal University Hospital that as soon as they heard the name or the call, I had full entry with my car into the emergency entrance. And then there they would be with the stretcher and all and I would go park on the side after and then I would go over all the meds and what I thought was happening with the emergency doctors or nurses. I found that nurses did much more than doctors.

So in a nutshell that is how it was with my father. I have been back there two times and he does fine and now what I have learned is this operation was something to do with his renal area - but he is not on dialysis and yes he lives and has lived well with only 38% function with his one kidney - the other does not work - that goes back to cancer. So I care for my father, at times when he had his first bout with it and knowing what I know today. Sometimes I wonder if I should have made a certain choice. But that is not appropriate. So for myself, I see once a week a psychologist. I have found that it has done some really great things for me and as well I know I am not nuts after all of this. And I do have my hard moments and I think a few of you have seen when that happened within my writings as I have had my falls, but how did Brian say it.... Brian is my psychologist - not psychiatrist (they prescribe meds psychologists help you cognitively).  He has said that the past hit me in a delayed manner, and that I am making my way during my own times of change. So I guess I have paid some price, but you do what you think is right and I have no continual worry with my father. The last time I went to visit them I knew where things are and as well where things are for me as a gift from him for all that he recognizes and I never thought he could come to say it. We are alike, yet we are not. I don't know how to say that.

Anyway - I wanted to just indicate that this is not a first time situation. I have seen and been there for 6 mini strokes, 7 bouts of returns with cancer, 5 times in emergency where I was told to go home, as they did not think he would pull through after watching him. And yes he was hit with the hardest cancer and survived.
So the only person that is most important to me in all of this within my family is my mother. From the first cancer and when I sat there and he had some instructions on what he wanted me to do and whom to contact - the most important thing that he asked me and I promised him - is that I would take care of his wife, and my mother.

 

 

“Acceptance is the key for the things you have no control over”, when I was walking to my car during the summer that this all happened I had just arrived back from NY and as well I had a father that was on his death bed. I remember walking and then sitting on my car. I was trying to think what I could do to change things. It all came to me, I don’t know but now and then there seems to be that open door of thought and this is what came to me. There after I could deal with it all, and I think I did very well. Or I did my best. Yeah…