....and then he sneezed!
Dear friends, just an idea....
Funny Stories, strange happening stories, short stories, funny videos, added by your own comments with the stories. It's your own signature with your own mark. After it's done, I do promise to send it to you or take it off permanently.
If so desired. Promise!
I know that for myself I have been serious and right now I am fine and doing things and now and then you do good onto others and we let are guards down and tell or place something in that in a - yes - in a collaborative manner it comes like something that each and everyone can come back to and they just have a hoot with what they see.
I am not pushing anyone. It's just a thought thinking outside of the box. And with that all said let it flow and lets see what comes about. Laughter is really the key in life and I think that some may just have and enjoyment with this while others watch, read or what ever comes about.
I may just fall with this but then again if people forget about thinking too much and just giving it a try - watch and see what comes about.
Once in a while you have to ask why not.
I could name names and make requests but this is more of something that each and everyone independantly can make something really neat happen. We all get on here at some point of the day. And I am not begging anyone as all things are working well. So....I think you all know what I am tring to do. A collabortive of something that everyone has the chance to look at and have a hilarious time with seeing what all comes about. Once again, I promise to delete it all if you wish.
With a little help from some friends and as well new acquintances. I think WE CAN DO SOMETHING NEAT IN A COLLOABORATIVE WAY...
Why not?
Take your time and those of you out there I did this once before a long time ago and I can tell ya what took place was something that was just tremendous. I am sure that everyone that logged on came back for a few days and then there after there were remarks from different people to what they had submitted within here or back then it was "over there", and it was contagious.
ReplyDeleteI'm waiting for someone else to start. Sorry to disappoint, but that's my style. I'm kind of shy......................
ReplyDeleteNo worries...
ReplyDeleteG'day Jack ,
ReplyDeleteI like it I remember well the last time, will be back with something
Ok well I will start this off then. As I have been going through some jokes and funnies for a friend and this one really makes me laugh every time I read it.
ReplyDeleteThe following is a partial list of actual written excuses given to teachers School by parents:
Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault.
Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part.
Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip.
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night.
Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating.
George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.
Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout.
Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals.
Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him.
Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diah(*crossed out*), diahoah(*crossed out*), dyah(*crossed out*) the shits
HEY! Don't jinx me!! Cute story.
ReplyDeleteOoooops sorry Joyce. Could be worse...Sara's mother had her shot :)
ReplyDeleteG'day Jack,
ReplyDeleteA team mate of mine had agreed to represent our Marching club in a local “Miss Henley on the Patterson” contest, as registration day got closer she got more hesitant, I was elected to convince her to go through with it, after telling her what an honour it was to be asked in the first place she should do it for the club, she replied “would you do it if they asked” and of course I said “I would but they had asked you not me” with that she called the Instructor, told her she wouldn’t but I would. Now what could I do I had shot my mouth off & was stuck with it. As appearances didn’t count at registration we were to leave straight after practice, we walked into a room full of what I thought were vogue models, & I in my old shorts a man’s shirt & marching boots, now at 20 I had very little confidence to start with but at that moment I just wanted to faint even dieing seemed a good idea. Registration, afternoon tea , chat & mingle over. I was fine until in the car to go home, I cried all the way apologising to the instructor that I had let them down, she of course thought it was a scream, the girls were told not to dress for it, they wouldn’t win points for doing do, 7 did & 1 didn’t, who would you pick?. The contest was held on Australia day, my team was scheduled to do a serious March Past in front of the Town Hall where the Mayor would take the salute and officiate at the flag raising ceremony which ended 45 mins before we were to meet the judges. My hair in curlers wouldn‘t fit under the cap, so they had to come out & pins inserted. (all long hair had to be tucked up under) oh boy!!!!, ok ceremony over all 90 girls scrambled into the bus, only males were the driver & the 1 instructor, I was bundled to the back & stripped out of uniform while trying to protect my modesty, many hands dressed me, ever tried to put on suspenders (this was 1963) & stockings in the back of a moving bus?, 30 mins later we pull up, I am dressed to the nines and taken to of all places a river where waiting was a speed boat & the most gorgeous looking Navel caption, they actually want me to get into a boat that is going to travel on water, I am scared stiff of water I can’t swim. But when handsome smiled at me & took my hand I didn’t have a hope, into that death trap I got quite happily. Waving to the crowd that lined the river, like some stare struck teenager, to be taken to a pier where handsome helped me up the ladder & roared off for the next pick up. I was so relieved to get out of the thing I missed the name of the woman that was waiting to greet me, as we sat waiting for the other girls I regaled the whole tragic story to her from being tricked into being in this contest, embarrassing myself at the registration, the hair in curlers under the cap, being stripped & traumatised in the back of the bus, she was in stitches, it wasn’t until the whole thing was over that I found out she wasn’t a chaperone as I thought but the Lady Mayoress waiting to greet the contestants & judge us.
Mornin, Jack. What a cool idea for a blog. It's a great way to lighten a mood even if for just a lil while.
ReplyDeleteDee, the list of excuses you posted are hilarious. This one... "Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot." ... really gave me a giggle.
Muzzy, quite a story there. It reminds me of that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Ahh good ole Murphy's Law.
Years ago I went to pick up a tv I had taken in for repair (ya know, back when it was worth fixin?). The gentleman offered to take it out to my van. I graciously accepted and headed out the door ahead of him. He was carryin it (it was heavy) and I wanted to get to my vehicle before him so he wouldnt have to wait for me to open the door. Well when I got to the back of my van to open it I slipped in a oil slick. I fought the fall graspin at the bumper tryin to regain my footin, but noooo down I went. I felt like I was in a cartoon...it was that silly. Anyway, I got up real fast as I was embarrassed. I looked around, but didnt see anyone. I was relieved, but at the same time gigglin at myself. By then the tv guy had caught up and put the tv in the van. He was none the wiser about what had just happened...or at least I think he wasnt. He could have had a good chuckle himself as he walked back. Hey it could have been worse. I could have been carryin the tv!
Now for a few oldies to have fun with...
Betty bought butter but the butter was bitter, so Betty bought better butter to make the bitter butter better.
If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?
How much wood could a wood chopper chop, if a wood chopper could chop wood?
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
if Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
wheres the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?
Rubber baby-buggy bumpers.
Billy Button bought a buttered biscuit,
did Billy Button buy a buttered biscuit?
If Billy Button bought a buttered biscuit,
Where's the buttered biscuit Billy Button bought ??
Hope y'all have a nice day ~
Nancy, I can picture that TV Guy and YOU having that slip and so quickly getting up and looking around and say "huh, that did not happen." lol lol
ReplyDeleteLOL this is hilarious, the spelling lol ! This is hilarious.
ReplyDelete" Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating. Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout. Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals. Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diah(*crossed out*), diahoah(*crossed out*), dyah(*crossed out*) the shits "
LOL
lolol exactly, Jack!!
ReplyDeleteMy favorite comedian Billy Connolly. I can't make it through part three without a laughing jag.
ReplyDeleteG'day Dee,
ReplyDeletehahahah love them, but "Dear School", this takes the cake in my book, nice to see you finely found your hip Joyce, sometimes "Ladybug" we all try too hard to act like ladies lol but after watching Billy I have decided never to fly or drink again.....what a fun way to start a morning thanks all
Catching this with Connolly - lol - he is too funny. "They know something that we don't". Once of the Monty Python's............he talks about countries in the last one, he sure says it how it is, and as well with what ever he wishes to say. It's good there wulfshado...He is frank with his words lol.....
ReplyDeleteConnolly is hilarious. I'll have to watch these again. Great giggles there, wulf. Thanks..
ReplyDeleteMuzzy, indeed we do try too hard lol..
g'day Joyce,
ReplyDeletehahahaha love it, take out the, shotgun, the likker & the handcuffs & it reminds me of mine
Here's my humble contribution. I may return with more...
ReplyDeleteIt was fun being a baby boomer - till now!! Some of the
artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to
accommodate aging baby boomers They include:
1. Herman's Hermits
Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker
2. Bee Gee's
How Can You Mend a Broken Hip
3. Bobby Darin
Splish Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash
4. The Beatles
I Get By With A Little Help from Depends
5. Roberta Flack
The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face
6. Johnny Nash
I Can't See Clearly Now
7. Paul Simon
Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver
8. Commodores
Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom
9. Marvin Gaye
I Heard it Through the Grape Nuts
10. Procol Harem
A Whiter Shade of Hair
11. Leo Sayer
You Make Me Feel Like Napping
12. The Temptation's
Papa's Got a Brand New Kidney Stone
13. Abba
Denture Queen
14. Tony Orlando
Knock 3 Times on the Ceiling if You Hear Me Fall
15. Helen Reddy
I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore
16. Willie Nelson
On the Throne Again
17. Leslie Gore
It's My Procedure and I'll Cry if I Want to
Contribution number 2:
ReplyDeleteTHE POSITIVE SIDE OF LIFE:
Living on Earth is expensive,
but it does include a free trip
around the sun every year.
How long a minute is
depends on what side of the
bathroom door you're on.
Birthdays are good for you;
the more you have,
the longer you live.
Happiness comes through doors you
didn't even know you left open.
Ever notice that the people who are late
are often much jollier
than the people who have to wait for them?
Most of us go to our grave
with our music still inside of us.
If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day,
how come nothing is free yet?
You may be only one person in the world,
but you may also be the world to one person.
Some mistakes are too much fun
to only make once.
Don't cry because it's over;
smile because it happened.
We could learn a lot from crayons:
some are sharp, some are pretty,
some are dull, some have weird names,
and all are different colors....but
they all exist very nicely in the same box.
A truly happy person is one who
can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Oh the songs I love them. How it is that songs bring about something - not necessarily something funny but something that we all do have something in common.
ReplyDeleteOnce and Twice Three times in the Bathroom by the Commadores! :)
You make me feel like napping by Leo Sayer :) haha
Abba's song - the greatest hits for only $ 9.95 featuring the Denture Queen hit! The did all wear white! I did not know they had problems with there teeth! :)
ReplyDeleteLast one, I promise...-))
ReplyDeletePonder these questions:
Do stairs go up or down?
Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?
"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?
Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?
Are marbles made of marble?
Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?
Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
Can you get cornered in a round room?
Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?
Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?
In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?
How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?
Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?
If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?
Why do dogs sniff other dog’s bottoms to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something?
Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been
free?
If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?
Stopping by via Lorna's.....here's my contribution, sure we can all relate
ReplyDeleteI didn't get home till late, & came in here to check what's been happening. I have done nothing but laugh till my sides ached- Thanks to every one of you, you are terrific.And after all that I can't think of one personal funny thing for the life of me,but will try something else.'I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!'
ReplyDeleteHung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work
today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs
hurt, I no come work.'
The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really
need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my
wife and say,lets do some rompin'. That Makes everything
better and I go to work.. You try that.'
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what You
say and I feel Great. I be at work soon.........You got
nice house'
OK - here's one. I wish I could find something cute, but this will have to do......
ReplyDelete...
It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath, the older nun which normally assisted in this task was a little under the weathers so she instructed Sister Magdalene, a young nun on how to prepare the bath water and towels. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever she's told to do, and pray.
The next morning the old nun asks the sister how the bath had gone. "Oh sister," said the young nun dreamily, "I've been saved!"
"Saved? How did that come about?" asked the old nun.
"Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him. And while I was washing him, he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the lord keeps the key to heaven."
"Did he now--" the old nun said.
Sister Magdalene continued, "And, Father John said that if the key to heaven fit my lock, the portals of heaven would open to me, and I would be assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his key to heaven into my lock."
"Is that a fact?" said the old nun.
"At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said that the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved."
"That wicked old devil!" said the old nun, "He told me it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it these past forty years!"
Gotta love the blonde jokes.........
ReplyDeleteA blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend". The blonde said "No. A bet's a bet".
So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money".
The blonde replied "well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (a blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don’t know, some woman wanting to know "if the coast was clear."
Attention all passengers. I have a message from the captain that there is a slight malfunction with the controls but are tending to the problem which should be remedied shortly. Apparently we have a white screen with blue text. No need to panic, but please stay seated and enjoy the funnies that are here for your amusment and enjoyment.
ReplyDeleteThankyou for travelling Initiative. Enjoy your ride..We hope you find it hilarious.
Dee > Gone to get my parachute.
Update......Captain Jack is still working on the malfunction and will be with us asap.
ReplyDeleteHostesses will be with you shortly to take your orders for meals and drinks. I would suggest the special - little oyster thingies that look like cow dung but taste like caviar.
Spew bags are above you to the left, restroom to the back of the plane and oxygen above you to the right.
ENJOY !!!
Here goes with another one LOL.THE BUS AND THE ZIPPER
ReplyDeleteIn a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was
waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that
her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus..
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver,
she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise
her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind
her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her
picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, 'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!' The Texan smiled and drawled:
'Well, ma'am, normally I would
agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were friends.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hahahah, some reason this was not working I contacted multiply or just leaving it off it is working...........cow dung and caviar makes for a stomache ache. Sincerely I had to go offline. Denise and Wendy along wity are making this happen. I sincerely think that laughter is the best medicine for anyone and for those that do give it a chance - wait an see what comes about. It certainly is not about me, it's about you and if you have the ablility to share. yes, si, oui.
ReplyDeleteI think we all have had some laughs and this is not for anyone but for each.
Be back Promise as I just wish to make sure that things are not going wrong with this computer or mulitply.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile I had taken a ...........and I came into a realization that paper does have meaning!
When you realize that yout out of it, that is a very nurturing thing takes me back to when I was my uncle way back
that lived in a cave. Perhaps it was some time in 800 B.C. - don't know :)
Just to make us all feel clever,
ReplyDeleteThis ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! If you skip any, you have to read the last one! Unbelievable, but supposedly all true!!!!
=================================
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
===============
Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
===============
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
===============
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.
===============
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
============== =
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
===============
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.
===============
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work..
===============
Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?
== =============
Customer: can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
===============
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
===============
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
===============
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
===============
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."
===============
And last but not least...
Tech support: "Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
Haha Bev. Almost choked on my mince pie.
ReplyDeleteI have yet to get in here and read more but what I have read so far has either made me giggle or has had me in fits.
same here Dee, I have been having a ball & haven't laughed so much for a long time. This is so much fun. Haven't had time to read them ALL yet either * laughing* Thanks Jack for getting us all started LOL--Hugs- Have to leave & get this man of mine his tea & shut down for the night, hate to leave, but will be back tomorrow to read some more .Nite friends XXX
ReplyDeleteI did not get it started it just happned.....it takes people to start things never just one.
ReplyDeleteI am having a tad or problems with this computer and it's rather getting late but
I do believe that this can really happen. I have yet to read them all - but will along with the rest. Nancy, Denise, Beverly, Wendy, reddytolaugh,joyce, jen, maybe Ken, and all that whom is out there it's an open door!
Salam!
ReplyDeleteHope you all are fine! Thanks Jack for being kind and thanks Muzzy for letting me know about this!
I wanted to narrate a story of Mulla Nasr Al Din who is a Persian literature character and hope you like it!
One of the high-born men used to offer Mulla to come to his home for lunch someday whenever he saw him (without telling a decided time).
Someday Mulla decided to go to his house for lunch. Mulla knocked at the door and the high-born man looked out from the window to find out who was knocking at the door. When he found that he was Mulla, told his servant to open the door and to tell Mulla that the householder was not at home and had gone somewhere. But he didn't know that Mulla had seen the high-born man's head at the window.
The servant opened the door and told Mulla, "Sorry, the householder is not at home and he has gone somewhere."
Mulla said: "It is okay, but tell your householder to take his head with himself whenever he goes somewhere!"
Be happy and safe in God! :)
Hope y'all like this one... it cracked me up to the point of tears, and my stomach hurt from laughing.. lol :-D! .. http://s91.photobucket.com/albums/k301/beret555/?action=view¤t=I...
ReplyDeleteThanks for this invitation to laughter. I have so enjoyed these stories and jokes and here is my input for the day.
ReplyDeleteWe have all been warned about credit cards and guarding our numbers and theft identity but here is a loophole they forgot to warn us about.
Cancel Your Credit Card
mark as unread
Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.!!!
Now some people are really stupid!!!!
A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange:
Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died in January.'
Citibank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'
Citibank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'
Citibank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'
Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?' (I really liked this part!!!!)
Citibank: 'Excuse me?'
Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'
Citibank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.' (Duh!)
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.'
Citibank : 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.' (This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)
Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'
Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'
Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info given)
Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'
Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number is given )
After they get the fax:
Citibank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'
Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care.'
Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.'(What is wrong with these people?!?)
Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'
Citibank: 'That might help.'
Family Member: ' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'
Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'
Family Member: 'What do you do with dead people on your planet???
(Priceless!!)
;
and what really helps add to the mix is when you call and get a foreign operator that only half speaks english.
Goodness me Janis.....I am with Citybank.
ReplyDeleteWendy, my computer is also white. :) I used a screen saver for some time and when my computer got sick my son wiped it clean - then when I noticed my screen was black I thought it was on the blink again - I rang son and he said wiggle the mouse.
Again I had some problems thinking I had something wrong with the fan and thought this time I would take it to be looked at - thankfully I rang before taking it in as I was just going to take the monitor thinking it was my computer.
Some may be thinking I am blonde but I'm a redhead.
I've seen the moon so full and so bright but upon looking some more I've realised it was the street light and that's without drinking or taking mind altering drugs.
While I was working as a phamacy assistant a customer came in (male) asking for gossamer - we didn't sell that brand of hairspray I told him. I don't know who was more embarressed me or him but he left without trying to explain exactly what he wanted...haha...hope he wasn't in a hurry for them.
When I was 16 my mum gave birth to her 5th and last baby and dad asked me to order flowers by phone to be sent to the hospital. The florist asked me who they were to go to - I said Mrs P. ********. He confirmed by saying "Is that P for Peter" I said "no that's P for Pat" Silly florist ....As if Peter had just given birth to a baby..
These are great I don't know where you find them.....too neat!
ReplyDeletePeeks unless your a member for some reason I am not sure of the rest but I could not see anything - just to let you know.
ReplyDeleteAS THE HAPPY POLICE ARE HERE AND IF YOUR NOT GRINNING WE ARE GOING TO GIVE YOU A TICKET ....................... : )
Snickering here as that is a good one. I ponder the merit of the story - LOOK BEFORE YOU ZIP.
ReplyDeleteA great one there Beverly...
Priceless story......and sometimes with all these banks you do have to laugh as this is not too far from the truth!
ReplyDeleteApparently the high born man was embarrassed after he realized that he had been seen peaking through the windows...
ReplyDeleteJoin in with this lady for some loosening up exercises= this is your challenge for today
ReplyDeleteI forgot this true story - It's so funny
ReplyDeleteMy son was about 3 or 4 and we were having the inside of our house painted --specifically, the dining room and living room. All the stuff was out of the china cabinet and was placed on the dining room table to make way for the painter. I was busy cleaning when my son ran up to me and said, "Mommy, I'm sorry about your good china." Oh, man--I ran to the dining room to see what he had broken, even though I hadn't heard anything crashing. I didn't find anything amiss so I asked him what he was talking about, and he said, "You know, when I ran into your good china. I'm sorry I hurt it." You see, his head was the exact height as my crotch and he had plowed into me earlier right at that area which he was calling my "good china!" (My husband said it was good to him!) :-)
PS - from then on we called it my "Good China!"
ReplyDeleteG'day Dee,
ReplyDeleteMy goodness giggling here, you remind me of when I was 14 I also worked in a pharmacy, a gent came in and asked quietly for "a packet of what men used" I tried to sell him a packet of razer blades, he then asked for the Chemist, as I left work that night the chemist gave me a note to give my Mother who in return gave me one to take back to work the next day, the result being I was told that in future when a male came in I was to get my boss to attend to them & stay behind his partion untill the man left, I wasn't a blond eeither I was an air head hahahahahahah
This is going into another page - should we do a Part Two?
ReplyDeleteTime for a stretch but there is no manner that I can do what she can!
ReplyDeleteTime for a STREACHING MOMENT!
ReplyDeleteG'day Bev,
ReplyDeletehahahahah I can sorta relate to your zipper joke, I was in the street one day with son who was about 4at the time, he lagged behind so without looking I reached behind & grabbed what I thought was his hand & said " come on sweetheart we have to hurry" imagine my horror when a deep male voice replied, "love to honey but the wife told me to wait here I was holding some strangers pointer finger .....air head strikes again... or the time I was shopping in the super market with Bindy who was about 16 & I found what I thought I was looking for grabbed 2 packets & threw then up the isle in the trolley she was wheeling with the comment "will get two I hate it when we run out", she checked and it was the horrified "Mum" that made me spin around as she was holding up my packets of tooth floss, “what’s wrong with that” I asked taking them off her to check, nearly dropped when I saw that I had grabbed, "condoms" I didn't realise they even sold those things in supermarkets hahahahahah…..yep air head
G’day all it just gets better & better,
ReplyDeleteAli,
Your very welcome, too much fun to miss out on, how often have we been caught out in a fib, lol
peeks2
Hi, sorry I too can’t open your post, but G’day anyway lol
janisgrose
May pay to invite our bank managers to our funerals in future lol
reddylaugh
How is it that little ones always turn our words back on us? Hahahahah
Jack
That Ellen & Glady’s vidio is just priceless, I sat here with tears running down my face, not a good look but a terrific way to start a raining sodden Sunday
hahahahahahaha you take the cake Muzz. Supermarkets sell all sorts of weird things these days. Love all of em mate LOLLLLLLLLLLL
ReplyDeleteYah thanks as the way I see it I am one part of the gang. I did not know if anyone had notice Ellen and Glady's and I have been looking and just logged on to loook at the others Captain Wendy!
ReplyDeleteBoy !! does this one take me back a day or two ( or three ) Martin & Lewis still make me laugh just as hard- I finally got to see it- Good one Jack
ReplyDeleteTHE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD
ReplyDeleteHOPE THIS MAKES YOU SMILE
THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD
SHIT
Well, it's shit . that's right, shit!
Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.
You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit,
and tell others to eat shit.
Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.
You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.
You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.
And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!
You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't give a shit!
Well, Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head...........
Well, Shit Happens!!!
Speaking of shit..back in New Zealand where I come from in my town we had a well known Plumber with a surname CHITTY..so there you go on his number plate he simply had 'CHITTY PLUMBER'
And that sounds a load of chit too..lol it sure is a chitty day today too
ReplyDeleteI just accepted Wendys' invite to check this site out. I am back, at least for a while.
ReplyDeleteOh wow, I love the list of excuses Dee posted. Laughed out loud through almost the entire read.
Wow, Wendy. Neat story. Lol, the things a body can get themselves into by accident.
Heehee, Dee, love the AT&T thing.
I am just now getting back online, Jack, and haven't a contribution at the moment, other than the comments. This looks like a fun site, my friend. I intend to come back and read more when I get caught up and will try to think of something to post on here besides my two cents on comments.