In one’s life there are few and far between that one can call as a friend. Not being raised typically with relatives as most, this one cousin of mine has really is the one that I have always kept in contact since I came back to Canada. She comes from my mother’s side and I went out for coffee with her.
Caroline is older than me but we really are on the same level in many ways. On both sides of my family my parents were the youngest of very large family members. We had our coffee and she told me all that has taken place since I returned here to this town and she started to slightly cry. She asked me why life is so hard – she just remarried and only for a year and I said for her to just give it some time. The man she married is several years older than her but she did not marry him for his money what I find is that she was the oldest of her family and she probably went through many things coupled with a divorce that really blemished her within my relatives.
We talked and talked and she told me that they have both set up things but apparently this new husband drinks. So I asked her what she wishes to do. She said this is as best as it will be realistically and that she has set up something in which they both agree to as he goes out with the guys – she wants to have the ability to have her own time to visit and meet with other people her own age. Now I know this could go the wrong way but seemingly she has always dealt with things and has come out of it in a good way. She had called me last night asking to get together and it was just the right time as I know that it was a time in which I took some time out from everything that has been happening with my father. So I told her and her first response was how are you and this is just like the time you returned back from New York and do you really or can you handle all of this. I told her everything and she said that this coming weekend we are getting together and going out somewhere. I am so game for this.
While we were having coffee in Starbucks I asked one of two women if they would not mind in taking a picture and before I finished my words she said, "that is not going to happen Jack, and then she turned to the lady and said thank you but it's not necessary".
The person mind you must have wondered what the heck is that all about. I just waved and gestured a thanks...
We left off with our plans and it was a well timed get together.
alcoholism is a disease that only gets worse until recovery or death happens, sad to say
ReplyDelete...al-anon might help if she is committed to staying in the relationship
sounds like you had time well spent together :)
Nice that you have a family member to talk with that knows the dynamics and can help you navigate the rocky shoals.
ReplyDeleteDanette very well spent this is my first day not being at the hospital at night - one day is allowed. Alchoholism is. But she has done things and I am sure that it's just something that has to be talked out - but he is rather much older than she is, but she seems to do her thing very well. A great friend and cousin of mine she is.
ReplyDeleteUgh.. sounds like she needs to do some real serious soul searching.. and if he won't quit.. in spite of love.. she is entitled to a life.. free of a lush too. She'll have to pick her poison.. and decide.. which way is best for her.
ReplyDeleteLyn you can pick your friends but you can't pick your relatives and she really is one that seems to have a great handle on things. We are very similar in many ways but most of my relatives on this side have out casted her when she ended a marriage after 20 years. I did not listen to all the gossip, I understood all that took place and I believe that it takes two to make it and two to break it - sometimes. Now she is married to a good man - but one that she may have some reminiscent things pertaining to past experiences - who knows all I know is that she is a great cousin and she is my pick out of all of them as I was never raised with them all.
ReplyDeleteThey all reside in around these parts whereas I did not grow up with them.
It's a friend/cousin that is just herself and I like that and yes she knows all that is going on as since the weekend it's all got out to all relatives and family members regarding my father. And she knows that would take a toll on a person.
She has searched high and low for the past five years, I think despite everything she really is doing fine despite some of things...she certainly is not dumb. Not at all. She financed a film for and advocacy for deprived people in one place in Africa - not kidding.
ReplyDeleteFamilies have patterns, some dysfunctional. And when that's the case divorcing alone won't change this pattern. A person will pick the same type of "problem child" each time. I'm not crazy about divorce any way. It would be more realistic to come to terms with the reality of what your partner's like and if you love enough them.....deal with it peacefully. Nobody is perfect and you will never get everything your way in every area of life. My uncle was a drinker when my aunt met him. But John was not abusive and enjoyable regardless of what mode he was in. They remain married and had their fourth grandchild not too long ago.
ReplyDeleteSometimes yes, but sometimes no.
ReplyDeleteAs the old saying goes ... until you've walked a mile in their shoes.
Sometimes the only peace you can come to is when you cut the ties and make a clean break.
I wish her many years of peace and joy, however she might find them.
Jack, I'm glad the two of you can spend some enjoyable time together.
ReplyDeleteAgree completely as most usually there is not em between - I have found. Interesting read with all that you mention. People are people, my biggest concern is those that are the "new generation". The 18 -24's. As there are many regardless of economic status that think the world owes them and they really are not groomed within life. They just don't hold anything with any values or perhaps tradition < but that is not the word I am looking for.
ReplyDeleteCaroline's case may have been a situation that she something came up. And the reason I say this is that she had a terrible marriage before it all. So maybe just maybe, this new man that I don't know did something that triggered something. Regardless there are mates in relationships and stale mates. In my opinion.
My thoughts exactly ....
ReplyDeleteI am as well as a cousin but here too I sometimes my relatives and all the quams come up and that is where I just don't wish to listen to it all - she does not do that often but it's families...What can you do.
ReplyDeleteNeat to have a cousin/friend because you know where the other person is coming from. You have history. Good that you have each other!
ReplyDelete