Another internal medicine doctor which was in place just for the long weekend - took over here in the medical system and wouldn’t you know it – it’s a statutory holiday and he was making way for more beds. I went and met with this new doctor. He was leaving it all up to family to tend to the last week of his medications. It’s not something that would have been taken place if the main specialist was there.
I had spoke with my mother, as she was in agreement that there was a need for him to be in for at least one week, but this is where my father will think at times that I am not working in his best interest and that coupled with trying to work things out so that my mother has that time that she needs – it back to tending to him.
I have set up for a nurse to check on him two times per month for the future and that is now all I wish to be involved in. Here I had a doctor whom was moving him out while at the same time was watching my father lay into me. As if I was doing something pushy or otherwise.
My mother stepped in and told him that she will not stand for his behavior like this and then he went silent, I wanted to say something but there you have professionals around and I just started to get all of his things together as I know he was leaving. I was livid and I just watched and let all things happen. You do things and then a very proud man will go in the wrong direction. However I just remained silent.
A nurse whom could see what unfolded asked me to take a walk with her and she said that she understands completely what is happening and that to just do what I have to do for today and then leave it all be. It’s amazing how these medical systems sometimes that coupled with a father that will really embarrass one at the least expected times it’s something that really brought out somethings that have happened before, and stubborn, but now it’s time to just allow things to just work their way out as it’s something that I am not going to be sucked into as I know how this has gone before when he gets out and little does he know that the doctor told me that he should be placed in a home, and that will not happen but the man can really be something, and as a son I really don’t need this. So I am just going to leave it be and let things take the course – I have done everything and will just leave it at that.
After will all 10 medications the most important one that is for an oral tablet taken three times a day on the last phase of clearing up a bladder infection – it ends up later that the doctor forgot to include the most important one. So I had to go back to the university where the nurse did not have his number and then I called main switchboard and they patched me through and I talked to this doctor and he had forgot this one, and immediately called it in.
This now is not anger for me but is the time where I am pulling back and allowing the system to tend to things and I am not going to keep doing this as I will not carry on with my own life...
Everyone deserves that right I do, I know that much...
I keep it very level - but I am human and with one week only and all this - it was the worst Monday I experienced. But tomorrow is a better day...and this will not carry on. I believe in honor but I am not one to be walked on within a man that is so proud and he knows what he is doing. It's like a two completely different people and the other side did show itself right in front of many people.
ReplyDeleteMy aunt warned me about this with him and this is how he and I are not alike in this area - not at all. I did say one thing to him, "Dad would either other sons take this or would another man ?". But he was in that mood like trying to take a stubborn horse to drink water...I leave to him to think on...
Hello Jack! Am sorry to read about what you are going through. At this moment, it is imperative for you to cling unto maintaining your level of equanimity. As you very well know that authority and obedience can never be divided with some people having all the authority while others have only to obey. Let go and let God! Take care. More things are wrought in prayers than this world dreams of. I can assure you that you are in my prayers.
ReplyDeletehey there ! sorry to hear that you were having a difficult time with your dad .... it is a very difficult situation to be in, and I think that you are making a wise choice to "back out" at the moment, and to let things run their course. Yes, you do have a right to carry on with your own life, and both your mom and dad know this.......
ReplyDeleteI will be keeping you in my thoughts.....
Love and Light
Ah. So your pride is injured a little. Let it go Jack. You've done well by trying to do whats best by our father, and your mother, and now it seems that a small scolding from a strong willed Dad will stand in the way of continuing what you believe is best, helping your Mom take care of your Dad. Got to remember that he is the one who is ill, and nobody, but nobody, chooses to lay up in a hospice when there is any alternative. Be thankful that your father is lucid enough to understand he still has choices, what few there are. Be respectful of that choice, and do whats right, there will be plenty more times to step up and make more positive adjustments. You're just a little weary right now. Been there. Best regards.
ReplyDeleteI think that just writing about all of this confusion in your life is a kind of therapy. Blogging can save you megabucks in counselling fees. It is hard to balance your own needs and those of your Mother, who is ultimately responsible for your father. Tread softly and carefully. Peace go with you.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand your health system at all.. that's crazy. What about their oath.. to HEAL?? sigh.
ReplyDeleteAt one time I imagined that Professional anything was as near to authority as one could get. I was in middle age before I realised I was wrong as far as my own disciplines were concerned and sixty before I found all professions are the same.
ReplyDeleteYes there are a few if you are lucky to come across them but most learn enough to parrot fashion their way to admittance and that is all.
All Professions are an extension of State control.
There is not a single Profession that was made a profession before it was in common practice.
I cant imagine the pressure that you must feel. My thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about your problems with your father. I hope things turn out good for your dad and you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Amy - I never thought I would walk into this again and I have. I don't have all that many yesterday to pass this onto as it's a very private thing and I was exhausted with all that happened. Not going to thrive on it but feel like I do not have a family yet do so much for them. I wish I was married to be sincere....
ReplyDeleteToday is new so we shall not look for things but we do our own thing.
Just know that your heart is in the right place.
ReplyDeleteThere are things controllable, and, of course, those that are not.
Every time I've argued with stupid (as in the MD), I've only made myself appear to be stupid.
You are more patient than I likely would have been.
It is evident why you're on the job with this one.
I have been but then this matter came up and it's no cop out - 10 days ago things here I am asked to take my father into emergency. I could see the dwindling of is manner as I took him for a surgery two days earlier.
ReplyDeleteBut he wishes for me to be close and then there is this side of him that does come out. He is a very proud old school man.
Love and light - where is love?
Pride no, it came to a point that I could hardly walk as my legs were shaking so much with this Byron. He could be in a place for older people if you know what I have mean - but he is lucid enough but for some reason when I am the one that is called into play - there after it's like it's a loss of control and last night me was sitting on the chair much different than how he a acted in the hospital and all my relatives although I am not or have not been raised near them - some are close and all know that I have literally saved this man's life from his own stubbornness more than once.
ReplyDeleteLast night I was very leary I would have gone for a walk but I as I mentioned from the entire situation that started with a meeting at 10 and ended at four by the time that all things were done - then having to go over how all these medications are taken with a pill box with my mother while she was shaking - no this was not pride. This was dealing with a proud man that has vascular dementia from one of five relapses of cancer and six mini strokes.
Thanks all the same Byron.
Jim, I am fine this morning I have to set up some cognitive boundaries with this now as I have been there before - but I have not had him illustrate in front of others his anger. And it's something that would rock most off there boat.
ReplyDeleteHe seems to envy that I helped hm - this is not my thoughts they are my one aunts and my own.
Today is a new day...
Pending where you are in Canada there is an entire socialized sytem or both socialized and private combined. Here where I resided in this province like a state it was the foundation of the fist medicare.
ReplyDeleteIt's entirely social without private - but this is not the matter - this is more of a situation with they system which is unionized combined with not enough doctors. Most finish there residence and guess where they go as they have offers in abundance from?
Carlos I leave it just out there right now. To have done so much and it's due to his slight dementia combined with a military manner that some of this comes out.
ReplyDeleteIt will work out but I am not working for him never have and never will I am glad that I set up home care nurses for his wife / my mother. As while I was gone he proudly dismissed them all and everything was to bare by my mother.
So that is done for him. I don't have much to say to him nor will I be looking to tangle with him for the next while.
"When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me...speaking words of wisdom LET IT BE." Sometimes the best action is inaction Jack....God be with you....always and in ALL WAYS.
ReplyDeleteCharles while in the elevator I did let him have it with telling him all that I have done and how he could do something of this sort just because he wants to be out early.
ReplyDeleteThat is where he does stay silent and I do honor him as a father but he did what has happened four time before and my mother was in another elevator and I had told asked him without yelling - "What man would take this from you".
He had pushed me to my limit yesterday as the only reason he wanted to get out of there yesterday was he wanted to do his taxes - he has a man that does literally everything.
I have never argued - I listen and I know enough up there that if I wish I can get things done within a call but when this all came to be, as in speaking with this doctor he agreed to keep him for another day till the main head of internal medicine arrive with no problems, then this is where it was my father that did the push. And thought that I was the one that was doing something with bad intentions - after it all - he could see why I had made the wait for one day as my mother came to not being able to use her left hand and started crying.
She then was working on his medications with my old excel sheet and making the changes but she is older now. Couple with one medication that is taken orally now for his bladder. I had to go and get the other one and there after I wrote this and then I listened to some music and then went to bed.
I do meditate I have since a kid, and I just slowly relaxed out of all this as I have one meeting in two days and within this week I hear back with regards to the others.
You have mentione recovery, there is recovery and then there is recovering...
I am recovering my life after two lost years in Edmonton....I am rendering my own life.
Or did he take a holiday Jerene...
ReplyDeleteOne can let things be in a song as wrote but I am sure that being human does not mean that you should be compliant with all things. No...this is choice.
I am not one to complain especially on this one as it come out of now where. And now a house is a hospital.
Bill - could you translate that into english?
ReplyDeleteI walk....I don't walk on pins and needles with all this Karyn. I leave that to Wendy and Norma.
ReplyDeleteI didn't intend for that to imply compliance, but to retreat to that place where the Holy Spirit can touch you with inspiration so that you can respond in the best, most loving and holy way.
ReplyDeleteSometimes my way of expressing myself isnt as clear as I would like for it to be :)
ReplyDeleteYou can only do what is in front of you at each given time. If there is nothing you can do, let it go, don't waste time worry about the things that are not reachable, work on that which is.
ReplyDeleteJack,sometimes we as children have to take the stuff that our parents dish out,especially when they refuse to listen and want to do it their way or they feel as if we are being bossy.I had to go through this with my mom in her life time,so i let her do it her way and let the doctors tell her even when they told me "first" what needed to be done.Love conquers all,so hang in there.You gonna be just fine.
ReplyDeleteWe have complete confidence in your right-heartedness.
ReplyDeleteYou inspire us all with your persevering love for your parents.
We've seen this type of devotion up close, and it never ceases to be remarkable, and amazing.
"God go with you, Greatheart"
You fulfilled your responsibility and now he is taking control back. His insight and judgment are poor, but as long as your mother agrees to care for him at home, it will not change. I've been there too many times, I don't envy you the aggravation. Hugs
ReplyDeleteI did in my own way thank you Jerene.
ReplyDeleteYep I carried on and went about things and in due process this will all resolve but I am sticking what I desire and not allowing this to take place again. Not being stubborn just being very wise.
ReplyDeleteThanks I know I will and I know what needs to be done within this situation and I am nearly there. I shall be fine but I am have made the choice that I am not going to be involved in this anylonger I have done it in times past and it's not due to anger it's do to knowing what is best for oneself.
ReplyDeleteYes Charles but I am no saviour, I am an ordinary man living his life and before you knew me or anything within this write you would not know all that I have done with this family.
ReplyDeleteIt's time to take a course of action much like my brother and be out of the dynamic and in need come into it as I deem suitable for me now.
Lyn, I this is a good thing in the manner that it does force one into another chapter of life. So what all happened yesterday - is just that but I am going to stay here but I am going to make wiser choices and not obligatory ones any longer.
ReplyDeleteI think that makes sense...
ReplyDeleteThe best thing to do pending the time is to go and let it out, I am not waivering from doing this - the gym that is...
I appreciate all the mentions as yesterday was something but I alway find my way around things as I may waiver and post but I just get back into the flow of things.
I was very distressed to hear of your confrontation with your dad. They are with us for so little time and then they are gone from us. So sad.
ReplyDeleteI understand your sentiment and your understanding of the situation as unfolded here. Sometimes the very thing they need is to make a decision, to be in charge of some little thing ... so much has been torn from their grasp, and so very soon they are torn from ours.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorrowful for your dad. It is such a terrible thing to watch your life slip from your grasp, all of your independence, your strength, even the smallest of decisions ... everything slipping away, knowing there is nothing you can do to get it back, no matter how hard you push against it.
ReplyDeleteHi, you would not believe but we had a small amount of snow!
ReplyDeleteIt's what it is and I just arrived home after some shopping.
There is nothing one can do - you just carry one and do the good things.
The first relative I cared for was my grandmother, who was stubborn as all get out?! I was a teenager. She was a stubborn old Cherokee, my Aunt Yvonne nicknamed her Sitting Bull! lol I've care for every age group from infants to elderly. I'm keeping more control in this situation with Mom. The familiarity of it enables me to pull rank when I need to. Not that Mom isn't a handful but I guess with experience has taught me not to allow much slack.
ReplyDeleteYou did all that you were allowed to. It's rough watching a person do things that we know will hurt them!
Oh I have worked past it and that was then but yeah within the people you care for but it's part of life. As I am looking at it now Ann in a much different manner.
ReplyDelete