Rendering The New...(If you have time to read)

For the past ten years nearly I have lived most of my life in caring for family and as well merging from many issues. Certainly one can say that they are working within the moment and there have been times I have been. So one thing that is new is this situation of compromise that I am in. However the mindset is only determined by my own thoughts - some over think things where as some just work within a simple manner.

Forgiving I have talked with a few friends which literally have indicated to me that they have no one blocked what so ever. Here are some of my past thoughts with multiply.

When I first started Multiple....

I had just left when Y360 was closing. I had went to the very southern area of Alberta, Canada. I had many issues going on at that time and then I was making a new merge within my life as I had literally climbed the ladder of life prior to that and I did still had the gumption to call a few friends and we all met up within this place called drum yet I had some very decent friends here online as well - however I did it very much in a different manner. For me, it was something that was a nightly thing. By the way trust - there was a person that was from Malaysia that actually had given my password to and she was a very spiritual person so how my Multiply came to be was by her looking and seeing how all things were set up and wow that was a very decent friend as well we used to talk about many things as I love to chat within voice.

So while there I really didn't take this all to serious but it was a nice excursion as I didn't get all absorbed within it all. Yet it was apart of my routine at night. Thereafter I went to Edmonton and tried to get back into my area of work but I came to find that many of the people that knew me within the industry that I was in would call me to see for an interview I had been out of the game for a few years and what I found was that most would just meet me to find out or where interested to see what had happened with me. I will never forget a mentor of mine that told me at a very young age, " beware of how high you go as you are moving very fast and ensure that you are aware that the higher you climb up there will be others that are jealous of you and want to see you fall". < well I never fell. But I made a change of careers. Thereafter one friend of mine did push for me (no I made that choice) to move to a city called Edmonton. He and I were friends for the longest time. I didnt realize the entire situation that he was in with a divorce. He was the first person that I met when I came to Canada and well he was in the midst of a divorce and it with all said here too I should have known better and returned to this city where I reside. But one does learn as our fall out as friends was not good mind you there was a tremendous thing that was happening with meeting people and I did love Edmonton. The jobs offers that came after I started working within the Airport where mind boggling as here too without bragging many were calling and there were many offers but one does not just jump from one job to another. However it was the mentality of Edmonton as it was always a booming economy till world wide the economy went bust. I was laid off and well to make it short there was much lost in a monetary sense. Wow I have went through allot of coin when I look at these two years. (Being honest).

I returned to this city as it's what I consider as a home first to what was a home within New York. However that is taking it far back, I would rather go forward. I then started to apply for small jobs and I don't know if anyone has ever been there when you are over qualified - it happens. However I was applying and applying and in the midst of it all my father had another hit with cancer and before I could deal with it as I had done so much as the appointed next of kin for medical reasons and as well was the executor of his will. < Stress within family. But to be back in a hospital literally through me off.

So I lived within a denial, as I had let go of my training and tried to get back into it however at that time it was a prolonged period of time to get my legs going as I always would run for an hour within the morning and then I would cross train within the evening for two hours - it was my vice, but my legs well that is for another time. Yeah...

So my days were that of going out and taking pictures and hoping that something would come about yet again there was that obligatory effect, I knew the reason why I had left but yet I really was not living for myself. And as well some very good people that I know had passed away in the forces as well as I was always what I call an "on call "24/7" with medical things with my folks. It's not easy I can assure you that when you are divorced and your doing it all on your own. Thereafter many things happened during this return from a car collision that I lived through without any harm done to me - thank god. So at this point I went to Montreal, it was a large mistake. But I ended up leaving mind you it really should have been just a one week stay. For good reasons it's best to just leave it at that. Then came the teeth and two extracts and wow this was not good. As two dry sockets were happening within the back of my upper left side back teeth. Due to acid reflux - go figure.

So I had gone into emergency two times as something was happening - yet they just sent me home and my physician only works part time and little did I know and she was booked up till and I couldn't get in to see her and I don't believe in running to more than one doctor. So I just was out of the realm and then one night cognitively things where happening as well as my motor skills where doing strange things and walking increasing came to be a problem, my teeth were killing me and I just drove to another hospital and I couldn't talk and then the next thing I am in a holding pattern in emergency. Thereafter I was transferred over to another hospital and I am sure you all know what a stroke is. Well according to the professionals it was not a full fledged stroke but I had a something happen that was neuro. I wish not to state what it was however it will heal within five to seven months.

Again now I start anew. And I am being very authentic here. I am much better now as but at the same time I have to work around things and eat right, and slowly be patient and get this all back. During this time I have my small goals set almost not entirely and then I have a few two doctors I have to see next week. And I am not in a wheel chair but walking is trying but I do it.

So often people say something within words and then it just sits as words but I literally am slowly progressing and this definitely is a mind and body thing. Each day I wake up and I forget that I am held back for the moment but it's just now. One thing does lead into another and I am not that type of person that gets down. I thrive on doing things. So each day I am really starting to count my blessings as well I am slowly pushing myself to do simple things. I could live on here and write and write but I am certain there will be a time where it comes to be where I am back to work, training in a good manner, as well as living life offline. The manner in which most all you do it.

I don't have great expectations with work right now. But I know that I do wish to do some volunteering work hopefully that is within the game soon. Thereafter everything will progress and I know I am not leaving this city. Hence, it's a new beginning. It can happen at any age but I know I have to let me ego down and have the courage to do so. So I am rendering the new. In the meantime, enjoying this as there will come a time where I am not on here as much but I don't factor in time as I am one that did thrive on time with everything. I just let things go and I hate to repeat thoughts of some of my old writings but if one has the will regardless of where you are at there is I can state how much I believe in this but really if you do really want something you can do it but ensure it's aligned within the scope of whom you are. I embrace the new....words can be wrote but I do. As this is a shift and when I retire many may find this to be very funny but I have had this goal with me since I was 26 years of age and what I wish to do when I retire is to groom in another area of work that of being a motivational speaker. But there is many great things to get done after this is accomplished.

Onwards seems great to me, in a very different manner compared to these last 9 years.