Peace is a State of Mind

Last night well number one I don't drink only socially and I was taken with all that has been happening. And well with family this has not been an easy things but I find that you move beyond things. There are several things that come to mind my offline life as well as right on here. I will write a story as time allows, unfortunately my brother is not making it here. I have done this before many times as I wrote last night with "proud". I think in many ways sometimes we do reach out and finding that center/centre of what your being is linked within purpose. I have come to a conclusion with a few that I have invited as that you can't push. All you can do is write for your own very self. Tomorrow I will be meeting with the head of Neurology tomorrow at 4pm with regards to my father. I think I have made it clear whom my father was as well as my mother and how especially it has effected not only my family there are a few cousins from her side that are terrified with what is going to happen. As of today she is doing alright and I am not going to do what I had done before in posting pictures of her nor him now at this point I am a reserve in that area. As well, I have to meet with the banks and tend to things and well it's been something and I guess it came out last night. Today I found my own balance as best as can be. When in need what I have found is not to be too proud to lean on someone. As that is life. Today I went to this tree after the hospital. But within it all do we find reason within everything in life. Here I feel maybe we "retool" our thoughts and perhaps again go another direction after all is done. I know this is not going to be a typical Christmas Season here, but you just accept it. And I am going to go on writing as I do and it may be a maze but it's just me. As I mentioned yesterday I wish I had the ability to talk on here as I am much more of a vocal person. But the writes stand for themselves and for those that I have tried to re invite well it simply is what it is. One certainly does not think that these things will happen and they do and for me I just have to go with the flow. To a point that is. So it's been something and I have not put my own medical issues aside nor my retraining. As when one gets so caught up in situations one will tend to depersonalize. And that just isn't me.

While I was at the hospital I had one lady come up to me and ask me whom I was. I get this so much and I am not being arrogant. This seems to happen all to often now then. When someone approaches you and asks you whom you are. She was sitting at a table and while I was grabbing a coffee, I had this happen and maybe it's the voice. Maybe it's within the way a person conducts themselves - I really don't know. But I sat down with her and we had an amazing and very nice talk. Perhaps there are other people that are looking for someone else to hang onto during times however she seemed fine. Actually very intelligent. And no I don't go and get a picture. It's just not my way. And I have mentioned it before that there is coming a time for a good change for me but first for me and maybe it's part of how I was brought up family comes first. If I was still married that would be first and foremost, but that is not the case right now and I don't think that I am behind the ball. Sometimes you just surrender to what things you face and as I have always said you flow with it and maintain that certain area that maintains the flow. I could be angry but it's useless to do that as it really does not take one very far.

Let it Be last night was as song that after speaking with my brother on the phone I knew that he was upset and although he is older than me by seven years it seems since I was in my mid twenties it's always been like this. Thereafter I knew that he would not be making it as I found this morning that really didn't surprise me as Blaine, my brother has always been reluctant to face certain things - especially like this, so I called him and told him how things are and for now there is no emergency and tonight can be one of ease for me as it's been a long mile in a very short period of time. But today is a decent day.

And rather than focus on tomorrow, I live within the moment.