A Long Time Ago When the Earth Was Green

Some time back before I had left to go work in Edmonton some four years back – I had a brother that came on the scene.  It was a time which I was working towards making a move.  I had spent half of every day tending to my father as he had several relapses with cancer.

Within this time back then I remember being the first within the family to be called and I went over and my father was better back then from a cognitive perspective.  As he had went through his sixth mini stroke and who arrived on the scene was a surprise to say the least.  Here stood a man that looked almost exactly like my father.  My father had me come to another room and he started to explain of a person – while for myself, I thought he was going into another stroke but then here there was a person whom I met for the first time.  His name was Terri, as he introduced himself.  Upon a handshake, there was something about him the manner that he looked as he looked so much like my father within his earlier days.  Even when it comes down to weight, height and to some extent even within his speech.  Back then, I remember sitting down and listening and then I knew where things stood.  My father had had a son prior to getting married.  Now within the family if there ever was a secret this is probably was the best kept secret.  My concern was that this was not something new to my mother – which later on I understood that she knew of this before they were married – that is that my father had a child prior to being married.  As back then and even now, I am the medical next of kin as well as executor of the family will.  I didn’t ask to be.  I am the youngest and for some reason it was decided it would be me.  Terri was a question.  He was a very nice person as well as his two year relationship within this gal.  But what came to my mind and in the following days with my brother – was that why did Terri decide to come on the scene at this point within my father’s life.  The question was with regards to monies coupled with several other things.  As his two year girlfriend was not his wife.  And many times, she had tried to make contact with me.  Where upon discussing it all with my older brother whom was as well taken by surprise – we both felt that it was good to maintain communication yet give things some time to see what the intention was.  There are merits in doing things like this as when one arrives on the scene within his early 50’s.  There was so much at question, coupled to digesting the fact that there was a half brother, which is older than my brother and sister.  Why didn’t he arrive on the scene earlier?  There were more questions – as at that time there was a concern of what Terri was after over all this time.  At that time, I had pretty much seen it all with cancer and nothing surprised me.  Yet this did.  It would have been very different if my father would have made mention to everyone within the immediate family many years back, but I think he lived within this world that if he kept silent it would go away.  Mind you, he had aided by way of monies for the future of this son he had before he got married.  Yet still there should have been a time that he did mention to all within the family upon a certain appropriate time and year.  Yet there was no anger as he had been through all too much.  Maybe there was to some extent but of what I know between myself and my brother, we didn’t see the point.  If we were within our teens, I think we would have reacted much differently.  But then who’s to say?  I just handled it.  Terri was raised by his mother and through the years, she was offered anything for Terri, but thereafter I as executor came to know that to cease offering further monies did have a reason a more legal reason of the very fact that there was never a sign off on any further claims.  Yeah...

I had left within a few months after this as it was within my plans to head to go on a sabbatical or a respite of sorts.  There were too many things that had happened over a short period of time.  I would periodically hear from this half brother of mine.  I set down some terms with him after speaking with one gentleman that is appointed along with myself to tend to matters with my will if and when he passes on.  Upon the advisement of Mel along with the family lawyer - I decided I would keep some distance with Terri, yet at the same time, I would leave an open door.  That within itself is a very hard thing to do as there is one side which wants to know more, while on the other hand - you don't want to foul up something.  So it was a very hard thing as you had to give it some thought as there was always the question of what his prerogative was.  I understood full well that he was a half brother.  But here again I wish he would have came on the "scene", earlier as he could have.  But he didn’t - that would leave much to be questioned.  I decided I would hold my distance yet speak with only him.  As time went on, Terri came to be an adaptation to all within the family.  As well, ironically my cousin worked with him and opened up the Pandora’s Box – as she ironically worked with Terri.  As soon as she knew.  She did much like wedding invitations – as she placed out an announcement to everyone within the family.  He name is Heather.  I am not one to get angry, yet when there is something done wrong and back at that time the family was just slowly adapting.  She had the audacity to mail out this announcement.  As she was not of the immediate family, I had to take her aside when she and her husband made a visit into town.  And I basically in so many words told her that she had no right to do what she had done.  What she might have considered was that my father and Terri were the ones to decide when the right time was to make this announcement if they so desired.  It didn’t go over well with Heather at the time – yet her husband Dirk completely understood what I was explaining to her.  As she jumped the gun on a situation all too fast and neglected to consider my father, Terri, and for that matter the immediate family.  Yet word got out and once it’s done, there is no turning back.

Five years have passed and as of today’s date, after three years of silence, I went over to my folks and I met my half brother along within his wife the same gal.  And I gave him my email address as well as new telephone LAN line as well as cell.  As I had not seen them for all this time and it was a first and when I dropped over.  We could talk about much more as there was an understanding.  Terri is now remarried to the same lady.  Terri has aged a little but he and I stepped out and had a good talk and I went over some of the reasons of what I did for what reasons.  He understood and heck, he is my brother and she is my sister in law.  They didn’t know it was my birthday, but they are leaving within the morning as Claudette has family here as well.  Families are funny.  Yet I do look forward to receiving some pictures from both of them and I guess you could say there was some closure within this.  At least it was good to explain the reasons of what you did and why you did it.

Terri understood full well, of what I had and was doing.  The way I see it is upon that time in which my father passes on. 

I now know where Terri’s place is within all that matters.  I wanted to avoid seeing him – yet then the door opened and I don’t think it’s ever going to close now.  So this was a fine day.  My father may think it’s his own situation.  Yet as much as I respect the man, this should have been opened up a long time ago within the family.  Yet it was great to do that catch up with him and all that he is doing.  And I have an invite to his place in Kelowna, British Columbia.  I may just hitch a ride and go pay a visit.