September 11th - How will I Feel?

I think different people have different views on what happened during September 11th. I so wish that I had backed up my y360 or at least saved letters that I had received from friends when I returned back into Canada from New York City. How do I feel about it? I feel that it's a time that most everyone pauses. I don't have the pictures and I guess there is one part of me that in some manner the one does go back in time yet it's something that represents something that it's very hard to describe. I posted earlier with regards to some stories. I think that the best thing is just to say that it has been on my mind. The act itself of September 11th was something that entirely through me off but at the time I had so much going on within family and my father's first cancer. I was really onto myself at the time. I will never forget going into the chapel, which is for all religions and this nun, came and sat next to me. She thought my main concern was with regards to my father, which it was but I was prepared for the worst with that however at that time I was very taxed with what had happened back in New York coupled with what I was seeing on television.

She told me that I am way over taxed and I knew I was, and I just rendered each day for what it was. But that was then and this is now. So I don't feel down with regards to it. I guess I feel several things, it’s truly not easy speaking or talking about something that is so close to you but it did change my life, not within a bad manner, but it was something that did take a nearly six months to come to terms with September 11th. However, I was not there and I can tell you one thing, is when you have one thing on your plate with family and cancer and then you have another at hand, it’s more taxing not being where you wish to be, as I wanted so badly to be back there within NY pardon the pun but within a minute. But as time went on I moved along and tended to just place it away as I came to terms with it all.

What I really do feel now if more within the tribute the good will that can come about. Perhaps this shall bring out a certain something from people all over the world but especially those that have been connected to it within some manner. However, I can only speak for myself. Within my own lifetime, I have never seen anything like it certainly there are other catastrophes that do happen, but there are those that some of us are truly very close with. And I guess this one was something that was very close to me. So as I was talking to this friend of mine today, she had asked me how I feel, I told her I have mixed emotions on the entire thing. And really, I don't feel all down I feel that from my vantage that it's truly a time that most probably will illustrated how much the entire world does come to be united place. It's funny as I am not sure about you but when you write on things that are very close to you, it's not as easy to write on. What I do remember back when it happened was that I felt angry. Angry and stressed out as I could not get through to the people that I wanted to and there were some very close friends but that was then and this is now.

I look at tomorrow and think to myself that it's it may very well take me by surprise as I could be entirely wrong but I think that within every newspaper, every television set, a huge portion of the internet, and amongst all police, all firefighters, and all within these sectors there will be a time that there is a pause. As well within every ethnicity there will be a pause out of respect - but I could be wrong - what I know is important is in what I feel.

However, my hope is that there is some good that comes out of the tenth anniversary and less of the negatives. But I won't know how I feel till tomorrow. The picture above is a very good friend of mine, whom went to NYC along with a team of firefighters - whom I still keep in contact to this very day.