Of communication and not as a substitute for Action
Have you ever been with someone, having a conversation, and all at once you realize that their responses have nothing to do with what you just said? It is as if they didn't hear you at all. In fact, you can be quite sure that while you were talking the other person was not listening, but rather formulating their next statement and waiting for you to take a breath so they could jump in.
Have you ever been with someone, having a conversation, and they listen as if you were the only person in the world who ever spoke? Instead of jumping in with a response, they listen, process what you say, wait, and then respond. Their response tells you that you were really heard.
Once we learn to be more fully present with ourselves, in this moment, we are better able to be fully present to others...
True. You see this a lot in blogging too, people are caring less about what you say and are more happy with the opportunity to type their thoughts.
ReplyDeleteMost of the time when I converse with a friend, I have the tendency to ruminate longer,__trying to dissect what the other person is saying then I respond carefully. The real art of conversation is not only saying the right thing in the right place, but also to be extra careful not to say something offensive. It is imperative to be more insightful, this way, ill feelings are avoided.
ReplyDeleteG'day Jack,
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more, I find to many are more interested in their own ideas or experience and tend to use the speakers conversation as a stepping stone to expand on how they were effected by a similar situation or activity, and it is always more harrowing than what you have just relayed hahahahaha
That first type of person you describe is indeed frustrating. So much so, that they rarely get to have a repeat performance...for me anyway.
ReplyDeleteThe second one you described so well, are the types of people who make either the best of friends or the best of lovers.
Self-centered, egotistical people usually wind up living very lonely, unfulfilled lives.
Great post, Jack.
One time I was at a stadium and there were all these people there. They were playing a concert and it was really loud. It was really hard to get to the bathroom. You had to wait in these long lines. The refreshments were really expensive. There was this guy selling hot dogs and he wanted $5 for them. Isn't that outrageous?
ReplyDeleteLOL Sorry. I couldn't resist.
When we present something, it's sometimes difficult to figure out where some people get their responses. Perhaps they can't relate to the topic due to lack of understanding or experience. Sometimes they have something on their mind that keeps them so pre-occupied that they can't comprehend anything that anyone else is saying. Sometimes they are just shallow. Sometimes they have their own agenda.
It can be quite frustrating at times. It certainly doesn't make for good communication. If people don't understand they should ask appropriate questions.
these things do happen, I once said, "speaking well can be learned, listening well comes from the heart"...I don't have much patience for those who interrupt what I am saying...guess not many do
ReplyDeleteSmall talk between hubby and I can sometimes be much like the first one you mention Jack but that's because we have a lot sometimes going on around us.
ReplyDeleteAttentive listening is something that I usually have to make time for with no interuptions. If family or friends need to talk, I'm talking a serious chat or something of importance to that person then I need to clear my mind and not be mindful of the clock or I can't totally be there for them.
Some are and some are not....I find that some will force themselves upon people and some will just flow along with it. It's what it is I guess, but for myself I will look on here to see the remarks back and there have been times in which I have learned something withing this I really do mean that Iri.
ReplyDeleteI would love to do another audio and figure out some things I find that right now for myself this is something that is nice in the morning as a "coffee talk or read", and then thereafter I go about tending to the things in my day. And at night I love to write. And I will usually come out with something that I feel is of interest to me - then I will visit five other blogs and if there is something worth mentioning and is of interest I do reply.
I truly believe that you are one that does it within a manner that you balance it all out and seems to me that your a very decent lady. We all don't have to have exactly the same opinion but what I find is that there are so many copy and pastes from a few people outside of my contacts that I ponder why one would repeat a story that someone already read. However no one is perfect.
ReplyDeleteWithin this area I don't think that there is time for the offensive things. Drama is not my only meaning. However when I do read someone that I know and that is in destress ironically that is the area that I can write and reply to so readily. And then as well of recent I find that I have two weeks of just laissez faire - which means just taking it easy and how it comes....an that is what I do. We all do have our own perogatives. Pehaps this gives insight...
So true Wendy....welcome back from your hiatus...
ReplyDeleteSome will tend to think at times that I am and ego centric person. If only I had a friend come along with me and without anything being rehearsed I would love to do some video caption of a few of us talking but what I find today is that people are busier as they get older. But interesting enough here where I live I find that the people that are within there early thirties in the gym are the most interesting and I have come to know a few while at the same time the ones that are a tad older seem to be more avoidant of things. Hmmm, I was not thinking of love but if I may say Joyce you have a great book there. Secondly, as I had done for one, I would do for you if you wish. That is with McNally. Why not? All it takes is a call and well....lets leave that for now....buy you do write and you seem to be a true romantic. It has to be the weather and the climate!
ReplyDeleteAll the best within the morning...
Great point....and this is why we have this thing called choice. Of recent I went and search for a few new member Cal and I take my time in doing that I just don't add people, I really do look at what they are writing and from that said I think that many will not relate with something so they will not communicate, yet there are those that will set boundaries due to the option of some prejudice, or games etc. This is where I believe in all that comes with blogging here and I have no other blog other than an old one on y360. But I enjoy this. As well I enjoy flickr and where it has come too...
ReplyDeleteThinking on that one as I recall how many I have blocked while writing during the days of y360. It seemed that there were those that really thought that there "s...........feet" :) did not stink, and regardless of what you wrote they would try to down grade it.
ReplyDeleteWhen you hear the voice of someone you come to realize whom they are much better I believe. Your blog the last time I read and listened to it was amazing. Oh from way back in the past I could tell much regarding a person just by the sound of there voice. Listening is an amazing thing but in unison...
Totally understand Denise we have probably talked more on this than any person that I have in my entire experience...and in many ways seemingly we don't have as much time as we did - perhaps it was the group we had or something else but ironically we are two very good friends and I know you know me more than most and I know you. Gosh there is a song lol that starts off like this. We had something that we really did come up with some very interesting ideas and themes. From that group generated me going my way with writing outside of a group and I came to enjoy just writing on my own.
ReplyDeleteI certainly know what you mean and for myself it's all with regards to something authentic, but it's like writing your own newspaper in a way. So it does not replace life. However it does have some worth.
If someone is constantly agitating or trying to tear you down, the block feature is great. I hate to block anyone, but if their only reason for being there is to cause distractions and problems, I will no longer hesitate to use it. That is one good feature that 360 does not have. You can also put posts on certain friends only if it's something you don't wish the general public to see.
ReplyDeleteOur ability to hear is a gift to be treasured. You made me think of a person I knew once who couldn't hear and wanted to know what someone else was saying so much.
ReplyDeleteGood blog and good reminder for us all.
Some things are reminders of what we have rather than what we don't have.
ReplyDeletei am so very guilty of this... but having said that, being aware of what a liability it is to truly communicating effectively, i work all the time at focusing and learning and taking it all in... the hardest time is when i am excited about what the other person is talking about... and that is when the 'formulating a response' thing hits home for me... i'm still learning and trying :) but am making progress lol... wonderful post jack and very true..
ReplyDeleteThank you I posted it yesterday and thanks.
ReplyDeleteum sorry about that, i will try to get my responses posted in a more timelymanner
ReplyDeleteThe second example you made makes all the difference. I think I've been guilty of doing it the first way all too often.
ReplyDeleteNo need to just go with your own flow...
ReplyDeleteWe are all human... so I we don't live on here and a person can only do what they can. So I feel that is good enough. What makes the difference is when we do have that ability to realize that it's a communication art from which we give some regard with.
ReplyDelete