Life & Love

I never mentioned that I had left NYC and the way it all came about.  I flew out to Canada and then so quickly I found my father to be ill.  We had a dialogue from my office in Rockefeller Center.  I would call him and he (my father) was amazed and I was the one that had done it within his books.  For myself I was just getting started.

When I arrived back here in Canada, I never thought that things could be hard.  They were hard as I felt that I was in a different country as New York seemed to be where I felt well placed.  I am not sure of what it’s like there now – within the city as most all of those which I knew have gone to other states. There is something to be said to retaining some of those friends.  I guess I placed others first rather than myself.  No one can even come close to the experience I had.  I know this is a time of thinking about now rather than then.

One does make decisions and sometimes they are those of which you can never replace.  You can’t change the past.  I certainly know that but we all do make mistakes and I think I did make one within my past.  It changed me – to some extent for the good and as well I don’t proclaim that I am perfect in any shape nor form.

Think on this one whom has no kids, no wife.  Often I ask myself what all went wrong as many get over things far faster.  I did get over my divorce but without that ability to look and talk it out with each other.  Shall my future years be guided by my surmises?  Frankly, I don’t know the answer to that question.  Some have felt that it would have been better if I never had left and went back to NY.  Honestly there has and most probably will be a question as to those what ifs?  What if I never came back to Canada?  What if I never dissolved my position as senior vice president of a company here in Canada?  I have never had the answers – and now and then I will have it shoved down to me.

I don’t know how you take what ifs at times and think at this day and age of what is.  It’s my own story and it’s a part of my life but I do wish to pursuit the things of which I have loved.  Maybe there are new areas, maybe its a little more time.  Who knows what the outcome which comes within our very lives?

I thought of an angel a visual of that which was with care and love.  Then again there have been so many which I have turned away - prey tell why as I don't know.  Why am I so cautious I ask?  Is it due to feelings?  Is it due to being alone?  Is it due to the fact that most all of my friends are married and I am not.  To love is to enable life.  Frankly I know that I am a decent guy so I am and have been told.  There is the old saying by Sir Winston Churchill which he stated in regards to the military that there are boys, men, and gentleman.  For those out I am a gent.  Love is something that I could place into lyrics, or a poem.  But yes my nature has always been that of a gentleman.  If I was married I would do whatever it takes to make her world to work.  I would stand by here and most importantly listen.

But for now I listen within the friends and souls which resonate.  For those of you which are married don’t waste it.  Don’t take it for granted.  As when the souls of two come together there is a repertoire which goes far and beyond the scope of just one.  Those of you which are married – hold on to what is precious to you.

You might not know what you have.