Ramble 1

Our ego. Well lets put it this way my ego. I have always prided what I do and have done. Men are like toasters perhaps and women are more like pianos.

I have always thought of women to write with. I have never been on here for anything but the freedom to write. Here are my thoughts there have been times in which there are postures, especially with some but prior to all of this I had a group and unfortuntely as a cathardic back some time ago. It was large and it really grew to literally having three versions. Those days are gone and it was run at first as a cathardic.

For myself I think that was the reason and within the group and some 5 to 8 moderators from around the world literally, word spread. It was back some 5 years ago if I recall correctly.

To be generous in life as well as come to something in the evening and have a chat with the moderators and do things that were closed to the public, but on an invite only - you really came to find many things. Everyone had some problem or some people had been there with experience. If I may say without any disregard to gents like me, I found that women were the best at nurturing things.

Every week we would meet on a Sunday and come up with a theme. As time went on I moved away from it as it ran itself. The group something that went up too numbers that not one person could do it themselves. As you were covering so many areas of the world. Back in those times, it was amazing with how some would write and how a few some moderators really knew how to run it - actually much better than myself.

I was asked many times to write within a blog. I really was not into blogging. And blogs had just started. in listening and as well calling a few people when in need as we did have a set of guidelines, it came to run itself and then that all done - I decided to start blogging.

Blogging came to be of ease. I always believed in balance. Meaning that I never was on the computer that much. And tonight I am most please to just have that expression. As within my blog I had more of an understanding of people - probably due to my chops from a this group.

Time went on and then Y360 went down and you can't go back to that but I have always been one that I do believe still to this day of expression. My blog is no group but from gaining an understanding of people from life as well as within the online experience I found that there are two types of people - some will fall and never get back up. Some have a gift that is contagious and it's not due to where they are from it's due to life and there outlook on things.

Back in those days I had my own place and I could do an audio, there were some that were in both blogs and within the group. I so enjoyed the blogging as there was a connection.

Within blogging unfortunetly I accidentally lost some very good friends and I closed the group up as the move was towards blogging. To this very day one that I talk to now and then wishes that it still was there.

In the recent times, I know I waivered, with the things that were taking place within my life I know that things were catching up with me. And we all do have all emotions and I think I came to be very .......angry if you will. As one will ask why did this happen or why is this happening to me.

So the foundation of what I write is prone to expression. One person recently asked me whom was the first of two people on Y360 - she asked how have I gotten through all of this when I wrote tonight.

A person can only take so much and you can only hold it in for so long. Then within life as well as within writing - you come to find those that have that understanding. We all come to a point where we all can't reason things out just on our own. Certainly one can be in denial for so long and then finally it comes out.

For myself, it came out and so often I see that everyone has there lives going and yeah you do get lonely. As I returned to a city I had left and I have not  had that much time to make my own way. But that is me.

I am not perfect in any stretch of the imagination around this time I was set to go to Latin America and the bottom dropped out as I thought I had a job here waiting and it didnt turn out. As well, I had a friend that I knew since the time I came to Canada and lived - we both had changed.

But that was that and this is now. Obviously there are no recent pictures of myself as I just started to get drained.

No pun intended but after chatting with two good friends - both are married - I am not online to meet somone - as I have been there in earlier days. But I can think I missed the boat or I am starting over. My apologies for this being so long but I am literally starting over. I do believe in my faith but at the same time I have an affection for so many things and that is whom I am.

Can a man or women reclaim there life after loss. I see it this way one has to progress. As well one does need friends online and offline. As we age that gets much harder. But one step at a time and the fist thing is within what light there is from which one can move on and find mutuality - but perhaps that's going to take some time. I am getting older - but in no manner do I wish to be living alone the rest of my life.

Baggage? Everyone has it. I don't know from my experience one that doesnt. But that is just my point of view. I am no saint but I do have my values.

We all are a reflection of each other but at the same time render those that have experience and are authentic - that is what I most enjoy.  I know I am writing but I live in Canada and what I ask is don't judge me by where I reside, as I have never with others. In life and/or online.

Peace and harmony to you all...