The One Minute Communicator

Have you ever had a friend that is going through a divorce?  And in some manner they needed to play silly games?  I mean as they are in the midst of something while alone they have the need to observe and try to transfer it on to you, by way of doing all sorts of games?

I came to realize last winter that I had a situation whereby while I was doing things within work – I had a situation where one, would transfer things at times.  I heard it from both sides and I have a good inkling as to where and what all took place – but it’s not my place to judge who is write or who is wrong.  I would rather stay out of the dynamic.  I am not one to judge but there were times in which there was such a situation going on where there would be notes wrote rather than speaking about things and then there would be this tendency to try to make you feel guilty.  I think it’s called a controlling mentality that usually does not have much self esteem, and when just the smallest thing does not go right they are ready to go nuts with anger.

I recall the notes, and then the watching one that was silent but had anger in him due to situations that he was facing.  I stood by him, I still do, but what I find amazing is that now and then there is some manner that the communication is just not there.  Or it is, but it’s done in a fashion that is with the intention to try to show they are better than you, or that you’re not good enough.  And really when it comes down to it.  I just leave it be.  And I left it be.

I know that I went through some things and I challenged myself but I never took it out on someone else.  While I was back in the city I used to live in, I had a few words with my folks on this.  And the first thing was look the other way and sooner or later the one that wishes to observe and criticize you life, really isn’t living there own, when there alone.

It’s interesting what takes place when people get older.  For myself, I prefer direct communication.  If there is a problem – say it talk about it, when it’s retained, and there is some manner that one needs to try to place you down, or do what is called a “mind F” excuse the word.  I think that the person really has to take the time to look in the mirror and understand that maybe where while he was pointing fingers in a passive aggressive manner – he didn’t that while when pointing a finger at someone – there are three fingers that point back at one’s self.

Perhaps now and then those three other fingers trigger a passive aggressive nature and as well the finger points in directions that it does not realize where it’s pointing.  For the one that thought he had some upper hand or something, now he just has what he has today.  And I have my own life.

Interesting enough while hearing all sides of the story – I just understand that we all go through out own trying times in life.  But somehow the friendship has become what it is.  And for myself that case is closed.  As I won’t be nor go through it again, not the unfounded games and the transference that took place.  Denial is something amazing to watch…not.  And I never wish to enter into that place nor shall I.  I am too busy building on my life.

 

“Just never point a finger in the wrong direction – they might be surprised on where it’s been pointing.”  It is what it was…I learned that and gained that when I returned and met with my father.  Actually I knew it all along - it was good to just understand it from another. 

 

It's my life an no one is going to change that...