Try Again... But Try In an Appropriate Way

(This picture was taken in a place called Saskatchewan one year ago).

 

Well it’s September, each one of us lives in different regions and as well has different things going on within their life. I was fortunate enough to retain the first doctor I when I moved here and as well, I am not sure that most of you know it – but I have no shame in saying that I do meet with a mental coach, yes a psychologist. I did when I went to see my folks for the last time and I was not sure if I was coming or going. That is if I was moving back or staying. I went there and aside of understanding the things that were placed and told to me as a son. I have been going left right and center.  This is the fist day of a new month. I am not going to say I am going to overly challenge myself as my nerves have been through some very tough things. I think that we don’t realize this. I don’t drink, I am back to exercising in a different way and I am learning that within this month the only way to return to being centered is by knowing what to turn of and turn out.

So I am doing as one online friend remarked once “try and try again”. As this now has been an entire summer that I came to nearly falling apart well not falling apart however I think you know what I mean.

 

Most importantly is that I didn’t and I wont. I just need to get back to being centered and within that today after meeting with the first doctor that I had when I arrived here – he had an entire different perspective when I went in to see him. He showed me a letter that he received from my therapist.

So for one month to aid me I am on one medication and I am not being taking off a medication that I have been on for nearly six years. An entire different perspective came and I don’t mind in saying this. As well know one would ever know, but I do have those times in which so much is going on now within my family that one would go for a vice and drink – but I have seen how that goes for so many people.

So I am working out of a rut. One that has revolved due to circumstances I so I am told. And I don’t go way up there and then fall down, I have just been down couple with a predisposition of anxiety for matters or with matters that have taken place in my life over the last few years and then it came to really hit me.  But this is September.

I was outsourced to an assessment shrink last week. (You did not know that) – but it was set up three months ago. And the psychiatrist was actually just a simple person very ordinary and it was a great meeting that we had for two hours. Apparently I have a temporary chronic anxiety disorder. I asked him if that meant that I was someone that looks like I am shaking in my shoes.

He said that it’s to the contrary that I was a perfectionist and that with all that has taken place in the past few years and especially right now is that I am not functioning to my real true abilities and ways.

Apparently my legs are predominantly due stress. I have nothing to shame about on here, some of you give the best thoughts and at this juncture of my life. I am not living in despair I am literally placing it out there as I know that this was and has been a very taxing time of my life. But that is a self imposed situation and I have seen people that go on without taking action and it just becomes worse. So like any other matter, by way of my doctor and my mental coach, I am taking the right directions.

The weekend was not the greatest time for me. However I feel that each and every one of us has been there in a small way. For myself I am always me but I have watched how I knew when I started to withdrawal more and more as I was becoming more apprehensive. Family and several other things that just had built up. I moved, as most of you know nearly one year ago. And although times were tough nothing seemed out of my reach. Now when I understood that I knew three months ago that it was time to take some action.

I don’t believe that everything is within a pill, I believe that it takes a person to flow in there own way and work with what they have.  And I don’t subscribe to drink. I am blessed with some of the smallest things that I do have and as mentioned a soul mate is something that I do miss but I am the only one that is holding my own self back in that. I have come to understand as well. I don’t think it’s improper to write something like this as it’s really with regards to life and I don’t live online but I do find it to be of benefit and here too I say “why not”.  I certainly am not complaining, I am embracing what I have to do so that I return to being my own self without so many things really getting to me, so I thought I would mention this as I do think that it’s worthy to note.   In the large spectrum of things I see this as just one small step in the road. Please don’t make judgment on me, as I am not one that is seeing visions or anything like that I just know and I am sure that most of you have within my writings that they took a drastic change from how I used to write.  So all I ask is your understanding. So I have been told this is virtual and not real, but I beg to differ as I have literally talked and seen some that are real human beings.

My writes will go one, and I find this to be of a most interesting time in what we think and how we literally can support, laugh as we read various blogs from all corners of the world. In no manner is this a negative blog as I see it. It’s life and it’s doing what is best for oneself and working through things in a manner that does not subscribe to any more than a authentic write while I make my way in my own life. Some of the areas that I wish to have and at least wish to risk at doing will come. But I sincerely mean this to all of those that have wrote on my last blog as I just do write in a sincere manner while understanding what I am able to do at this time, and what I choose not to do, meaning that this is the internet. More so, this is a blog and across these waves there are people that are of a certain age or a certain maturity level that would understand.  I have understood many and I never have shunned anyone, but I have ignored some, as it is what it is. But that being said – I ask myself how authentic it is with some of these people I have come to know by way of writing, and I know there is a variety of people and seemingly it’s nice to know those that seem to be behind a computer at writing there own thoughts in there own way.

 

A random few have seen some pictures that are real and I would never in my life show what I have seen with my father with Cancer, and then some things that go with life that you never expected to  happen. But as Kath, mentioned and several others within my last post. I came to understand just as a "coach" I am seeing, that sometimes in life there is a time that one needs to slow down and yet be practacle and do what is best for them.  I have. And I assure you that I am not looking to do anything on here than enjoy writing and no I am not nuts, I just have ........I think most all of you have seen it and understand my last few posts. I am sure and certain of that. And I don't have any problems with that as they are not constructed or manufacture to do anything but be authentic. Be kind to your fellow person and the same comes back to you. I chose that path way on my blog as I never subscribed to have a fantasy land - as I by way of choice write within my own words.

 

I try to get to other's blogs but yes it's true many of times I don't get to many and I know that anyone that understands this entire Multiply - understands that it can be tedious at times. However within the people I have read writings from, talked with I know that the glass is more than half full. But life is suppose to be that way as well and within here we or I reflect on life. Sometimes serious but there is an other side to me. As there is to you. But for the ones that have either talked to me by way of telephone or by snail mail, they know that this writing is no one else but me. I can emphasize that enough. As I really feel that the telephone is sometimes is my blog at times. We all are created equal. Hence then we all are and have the right to be real as human beings. Within this month, my health matters will be on a road of betterment.

 

It’s a day of my own transformation…atlas.